i gained so much weight this year, i put on my string bikini underwear and couldnt see the string anymore! i hate my life.
Omg. Get me out of here. Someone is playing michelle branch.
My mom assumed I was crying because he was leaving. Figured that was better than explaining my eye's sensitivity to semen..
i just drank the rest of the vodka . Btw why did we put candy corn in it?
with your vagina and my liver, anything is possible
Housing came buy and confiscated our shopping cart :(
I just test ran being their maid. I'm getting 50 bucks a month and they're buying the costume.
i look like a southern belle. however, i am around a million kegs. so i will be a southern shitshow.
Dude I just ripped my new jeans climbing out the window so his booty call wouldn't realize I was home. Being his roommate should come with hazard pay
I fell in the river last night. The allegheny to be exact. Omg getting drunk at work gatherings is dangerous
WHY THE FUCK IS MY BATH TUB FILLED WITH MUD?!
1. You were drunk 2. You wanted a mud bath\n3. We tried to talk you out of it, but you kept throwing dirt at us
I just found out two girls I dated met each other, bonded over how much they hate me, started dating and are gonna get married soon.
Yeah. Still not happy that my prof saw a picture of my vag.
I'm thankful I didn't get drunk and shit my pants this year. 🦃
I often wonder if we’re introverted extroverts, but I don’t think so. I think we’re just easily tired scumbags
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