So ignoring my calls doesnt work if you update your facebook a minute later.
I've been reduced to Capt. Morgan and Golden Girls reruns. Ugh.
Makers Mark. Chicken nuggets in a blender. Smart
No he exists. Who else tells me no matter how drunk I am to pull out. He's watching over me so my bastard doesn't get created.
Ugh did we play golf last night and did you by chance hit my head with a club or a ball?
Let's just say I've never been so continually aware of my nipples before.
Ok spinning in the opposite direction thatg the room was spinning was the worst advice ever
The bottle of Jameson may have been a bit aggressive for a Sunday cookout.
Stripper just cleaned my glasses with her nipple...
Grass is always greener, Allison, grass is always greener
The grass is drunker and I'm lying down on it
In the liquor store when a straight girl and a gay guy were just arguing about who hooked up with the same guy first.
I'm going to reward myself for having sex with coffee and a breakfast burrito.
Well I typed "penicillin a" into the search engine and before I could finish "penicillin and drinking" popped up. Google knows me too well.
I have nice boobs. Don't wanna deprive anyone of the experience.
You're a saint.
The amount of guys I've turned down for you is disgusting... You better love me.
Randomize
