I hate u. Im listening to lady gaga and all i can hear is boca base om om om ommmm
Pretty sure I only gave out my other # though. You know, 777 777-7777
Hahaha. So was it a Freudian slip, or wishful thinking? ;)
Could be either seeing as you're in my phone as "3rd bar" and I couldn't pick you outta a line up.
I think my hot accountant is wearing banana republic. I miss the days when that ='ed gay. Signals are so confusing now.
i'd fuck the guy who invented dead baby jokes.
First day of class and I'm in a bar drinking pitcher #3. Foreshadowing?
Woke up with a raging boner...good feeling abt this trial
He wanted to bang in the work van while we were on shift together. He convinced me with "It's like the Scooby Doo van but looks nothing like the Scooby Doo van."
You got into a heated argument about Frankenstein's intelligence while double fisting burritos from taco bell.
I am so juiced up on period drugs and coffee I feel like my skin is going to fall off.
I can't. I drank 10 years off my life last night. I need to reevaluate. Sorry.
I no longer exist. I have transformed into a puddle of sex.
So I'm texting her. How do I steer the conversation toward "I honestly would be fine never seeing you again"?
Fuck you. Leave my nipples out of this. THEY DID NOTHING TO YOU
It was extremely weird and uncomfortable mid blow job she looks up and says " tell me Simon Cowell makes your dick hard"
Breakfast sounds amazing but can we do IHOP instead? I have to pick up a Plan B pill and there’s a CVS next to it
Randomize
