So, I just pissed in her shampoo bottle. Hope she enjoys a late golden shower from me.
I'm passing your future prison.
I don't think I can fit "I'm sorry for ruining Christmas" on one cake. Better make two.
She was narrarating everything she did.. like while making toast.
I am too drunk to make real decisions. I had pop rocks all over my ass earlier. This is not a joke.
well he is only 50 percent black.. but after last night i am 100 percent not going back
literally hosing herself off in my back yard with the hose. i offered her the shower but she refused. that drunk.
I would think I was a stalker too if I wasn't myself
But hes like a baby bird with a broken wing that i want to FUCK.
Idk how much more i could have responded my dick was basically trying to unzip the zipper and hop out
Just had a serious discussion with my ex-boyfriend about sexy nurse vs. sexy teacher. So score one for friendship I guess.
I've Ubered to the bar three times this weekend to get my car but every time I get there I end up drinking. Still no car.
all I remember is grinding on everyone in the room regardless of gender and quoting the lion king non-stop. We need to stop buying Jameson.
You know it was a good dinner party when one of the guests broke their finger and no one can remember how it happened.
Straight up just cock blocked my dad. Also this apple sauce is good.
Randomize