I'M GETTING MARRIED!
YOU'RE STILL MARRIED!
FYI : beer farts in the morning chase women right out of bed!
he offered to walk down from the bar this morning to my house and bring me a guinness...
how romantic. its the irish mans version of flowers
For once I'd like to have a Taco Sunday without having some random drunk chick flee my house half naked and in tears.
Yeah I had to push her down the hallway to the hotel room in a luggage carrier. The guy at the desk told me goodluck
I had her number in my wallet, I was sitting on a winning ticket for the blowjob lottery and didn't know
I just saw a douchebag with frosted tips & a LaCoste polo with popped collar driving a Call of Duty edition Jeep. It was a cavalcade of stereotypes.
I didn't pay for a single drink 'help me I'm poor' was my drink pickup line. it totally worked.
Texas awaits me. And all the cocks that live there too.
There now exists video of me holding a (recently emptied) bottle of Russian Standard vodka, trying to sing the Russian national anthem.
Just watched a middle age white woman scream WHY DON'T YOU GO FUCK YOURSELF, HELEN?! Helen seemed absolutely scandalized.
I am naked and annoyed.
carb up bitch. we're drinking with football players.
Anne is dead. totally passed out and was flat out in the street
If one more person says Merry Christmas to me I’m going to take a pen out of my pocketbook and stab them in the eye
Randomize
