dude, the building's fire alarm was going off for over an hour last night and you didn't move
that's ok, when I'm passed out drunk I'm impervious to flame
you mean i was at the winter classic?
i just googled the alphabet. i couldnt remember if it was jklomnop or jklmnop.
so, I mean this in the straightest way possible, but don't you ever just feel like you owe Jon Stewart a blowjob...
Dude, this chick, who is smokin by the way, has 4 false teeth on top from a softball accident that she can take out if she wants... Who's getting amazing head tonight? This guy!
I don't know whether to be creeped out by the fact this chick can do that, or jealous because you're getting toothless head.
If your wondering where your blanket is, I put it on the 2 guys you brought home last night. Their still sleeping outside on the trampoline.
You dislocated his arm and then bought him two shots to numb the pain while you pushed it back in
It's home.......I'm going to the store in disguise to get skittles and cake frosting. Then I'll eat the frosting in a dark corner while I cry and wonder what I did to deserve this.
Crazy how fast a room full of drunk teenagers sober up when someone breaks his parents' new flat screen
There was blow residue on my chem book and my TA was like, did u stain your notebook with CaCO3?
Making a me burrito to ward off the cold...and the aloneness of my vagina
The only thing I like when I am high is sex. And Cheez Its. But mostly sex.
That is cause you are some weird type of mutant that lives off of Alcohol.
I could not handle jail. And my very angry parents.
We had a pink drink in honor of my underwear and apparently I made out with our bartender... a few times
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