dude, i woke up naked in her front yard...apparently i tried to leave in the middle of the night, forgot my clothes and decided,"oh heres a nice patch of grass to sleep on" I think god is up there laughing at me.
I think I found my soulmate. This guy in front of me is yelling about getting laid while holding two beers and texting. I think this is love.
think im gonna go get a six pack before class and sit in the back of the room...
i saw his dick when we were four, so thats kind of ruined for me now
I don't know how but I have our hotel room door handle in my purse... this can not be good
Just walked in on the Yellow Ranger getting porked by a guy in a UD Blue Hen costume. Will somebody PLEASE think of the children.
I never thought the first time a taser would be used on me would be at an applebees
Drunbk and roasting marshmallows on my stove. Accidentally singed the catr's fur but she'sd alright.
I woke up and he was just feeling up my stomach. I felt like buddha and he was rubbing my belly for good luck. never again.
He wanted to bang in the work van while we were on shift together. He convinced me with "It's like the Scooby Doo van but looks nothing like the Scooby Doo van."
I just gave a bum a ride back to his bench. Columbus is weird but I like it.
I wish I knew the extent of my injuries before I climbed over the fence. Might have avoided the need to purchase a cupholder for my wheelchair.
3 words: harry potter burlesque. My life is so much more awesome than yours right now.
What's an appropriate gift to bring to my boyfriend's wife's baby shower?
Shame?
I finally selected an outfit that says "I'm not easy" but still shows off the tittays.
Randomize
