i hate this light. i wouldnt even hook up with me in this light
After we had sex, she played this little piggy with my toes
What kind of friend are you? You don't even blackout anymore.
How in the hell did I take a shot of whiskey to the eyeball last night?
You tried to convince me you were sober by doing jumping jacks. For an hour.
I feel the need to send all my exes pictures of penises larger than theirs. Because they all must suffer.
First of all, I don't like eggnog. Second of all too much rum is all bad. And thirdly I'm not there to sit in your lap and pretend you are Santa and I've been a bad girl.
Standards are awful. It's like living in the zombie apocalypse. You can only have sex with certain people
This will never work out with him unless I somehow learn how to unhinge my jaw like a python.
These bubbles make my penis feel like it is resting on clouds.
Really? A fat girl?
I'm walking her back. Chill out.
She is a nice girl okay. For some reason we are in my room though.
Within the first 2 minutes of this morning, I found out the Lions lost on last play, and Scott Weiland died. I wont be in today.
And thank god for autocorrect cuz I can't even think in English let alone spell in it right now.
Sooooo drunk. We had the best sex ever and after he looked at me and said "That's whats up". I looked at him weird and he said "Young Jeezy would say it" and passed out on me naked. I think i might be in love
I think it may be easier if I stay drunk/high til the wedding. You game?
Randomize
