I love you!
You're insane
Fuckin crazy man! Seriously though I think if you would have me I honestly seriously think about marrying u!
Alright now lets video chat so I can xshow u my dick! Hahahaha
Okay call me later ill be watching lifetime and scrubbing throw up off my feet
Hey guys, just to let you know, I have a boyfriend...so that hookup was kind of a one time thing.
was that a mass text??
I think jizz is working it's way to becoming my number 1 food source.
he brought me knee pads...is that sweet or weird?
I dreamt of sea otters and your boobs. My two favorite things.
You're a Heat fan? You lose any chance blowjob bc of your poor choice.
I sat on my couch last night watching What Women Want, eating ice cream, and sobbing "why doesn't she like me?" Why was I born a man?
We put a ban on pants at an unusually early point in the night.
Henceforth: booty calls will now be referred to as "deliveries of anatomy". That is all.
Well, he asked what my sign was, then proceeded to critique me on my beer pong stance... I really need to raise my standards.
SOS YOU NEED TO TAKE THE CANDY PANTIES OUT OF THE GLOVE COMPARTMENT BEFORE MOM TAKES MY CAR
He's a 30 yr old man who voluntarily goes by Stevie and his job title is "Jumbotron Operator". There's a 97.5% chance he lives in his mom's basement. STOP THIS NOW!!!
Based on his face I'm positive he has a beautiful penis.
It is getting ridiculous, the elaborateness of the schemes I have to concoct so my suitemates don't know I'm pooping.
Randomize
