Hands down the best time I've ever had barfing.
I wish there was a facebook app that filtered my notifications to show only the ones having to do with people who'll fuck me.
dude sorry but u no that when a guys 'likes' ur pic on facebook it only means he was just jacking off to it.
i would hope so, cause i don't think 'i drove off the road because i was getting some head' is covered in insurance
beyond obliterated. i recall legitimately trying to use a ballpoint pen as eyeliner.
Just used your umbrella as a puke sheild. Thanks man.
Same here... Well I was planning on having some sort of deep conversation, but looking at how grim of an outlook tomorrow has on you, I'll just re-inform you that I have your pants.
the tile , carpet , walls , cabinets , even the ceiling ... there is Jello everywhere
it was your idea to have indoor Jello wrestling man
Remind me never to take that much Vicodin ever again. I laid in bed measuring my heart rate for an hour and a half because I was afraid it would stop.
just got home. some guy on my porch is tryin to show me his balls. no more parties at my apartment.
Remember when you fed me goldfish while I was -inside- of someone?
It's rum buckets o'clock
Dude, never piss off a hungover boss.
What was the name of that sleazy asshole I'm not allowed to sleep with?
I can get weed and taco bell delivered but frozen peas and a loaf of bread are just too scarce, what the hell is wrong with people?
Randomize
