he referred to my room as the tit cave...
just bought 2000 rhinestones and a heart shaped stencil at Micheals...I think the cashier knows i'm Vajazzling
I just dropped macaroni right down my cleavage. For the sake of our future, I'm really banking on this being a turn on for you.
I realize now that I left my pants on that table in the downstairs bathroom at you house on Tuesday....
The only people who have said happy valentines day to me today have been 2 homeless people.
Oh shit. There are penis maracas
You were carrying around a milk crate, randomly putting it down calling out 'praise be to the milk gods' and making people pray to it.
just found a someones bra in what seems to be a mix of pickle juice and vodka in my fridge. Who was over here lately?
omg I just had an epiphany about why I grew into such a whore....
HAVE YOU EVER NOTICED WHAT THE SPICE GIRLS USED TO WEAR?!? those were my idols, I never stood a chance
Dude it was bad... like you fell asleep around the toilet after drinking from the back tank bad.
I have to take tonight off from shenanigans. My liver is planning a coup
My mom just drunk texted me complaining about her genitals smelling like Taco Bell. I really am her son
Ok, stop saying "youths." You're 23.
So now I have had sex with 2 people my son graduated high school with.
Cum just came out of my nose. That is all.
Randomize
