I should just throw a hundred dollar bill into the wind and walk away... save myself the hangover.
my history teacher totally just suggested that we record his lectures and play drinking games with them later so that we pay attention to the material.
your mascara is on the toilet seat from when you fell asleep last night
He started doing the gator chop at my vag and said he couldn't wait to "chomp" on it later...and I still slept with him. I hate gainesville.
Just peed in a urinal with another girl. It's that kind of night.
If the world would stop letting me feel invincible I would probably stop doing this shit.
Last time I went to flagstaff I threw up in my beard. I would very much like to recreate that moment.
It is completely possible to eat beef jerky sexually.
I have to have sex on a bidet. I'm not sure what kind, but it's reason #4 for an Italian vacation!
I'm going to stop at grocery on the way home. I'm CRAVING wine from a sippy cup. We have neither wine nor sippy cups.
Yeah, great now I will be tampon girl
I love him about as much as I'd love fucking myself with a cactus.
Should I wear my "kiss me I'm highrish" shirt for my drug screen today?
On a brighter more disgusting note...... I think I just shart myself but I'm too afraid to find out.
she filled my toilet with birdseed... i tried flushing it but now it's clogged so she has to come over and fix it because it was her mistake in the first place
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