Just did a line with a monopoly bill. Tell me I'm not fancy.
this text is just filler to avoid a lull in the conversation
he drank a monster margarita at dinner. had to ask me if it was dollars or minutes that ended in 60.
You realize we can hear you jacking off in your room, right?
I like it rough
because whats more american than sleeping with a westpoint cadet on the 4th of july?
What can I say, we hook up during the holidays.. We're a seasonal couple
We decided to cut you off after you insisted on eating peanuts by the dumpster
that's why i use the vibrator in the tanning bed. multitasking. plus then my rooms doesnt know how pathetic of a life i lead.
What's great about college is that i can eat chocolate cereal for every meal and call it a money saving technique.
Wow I didn't even consider the possibility of him having ED. I'm gaining so many life experiences from dating an older man
Yea I almost drowned giving a BJ in the shower once
I told you, I'm taking a sledgehammer to your walls. Fuck your walls.
I'm Batman.
I try not to flex my sex appeal too much around the engineers, it's like feeding bears...always ends in disaster.
the insurance claim form from last night says foreign object removal from genitourinary tract so as far as the insurance company knows, it could have been a gerbil
I am mildly hung over. Decided pants are very unnecessary right now.
Randomize