He has that thing where they hang SUPER low
Ewww!! Elephantitis
He gave them shots of purell and called it "acid rain" jello shots. They took them.
I hate freshman.
you just kept saying 'take out my tanks' and tell the cab driver to go slower, i have no idea what you were talking about but i'm glad you had fun.
You love him. Dinosaurs. Math. Sex.
I smell like booze and the valet literally buckled me in, def top 3 walks of shame
Not gonna lie i was comfortable between the allsups air conditioners while you were talking to the cop.
siamese drinking twins saturday is a go ... bring duct tape.
I've got to admit, I'm a little hesitant about giving him road head. I've seen how he drives and I've seen how he acts when I give him head. A small part of me is saying this is going to end badly.
Eating an ice cream sandwich while your little bro gets me weed. May I adopt him?
who's idea was it to start the NCAA tournament less than a week after St. Patrick's day? My liver needs time to recover for things like this.
Yo, I totally had forgotten you were CA. Thank you for making my life easier with modern medicine.
Does being an adult mean drunkenly signing for your tax return from a foreign country? If so, I've reached adulthood.
you said, "the pool was totally tequila. and i left my shoe halfway across town. and by shoe i mean car" it appeared to me that you didn't have your shoes or car.
Dude. Don't do acid and go to Disney on ice. Hear my warnings. That snow monster will fuck your shit up.
I totally fucked your pastor last night.
You're his wife.
Still a dirty get down.
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