The jonas brothers playing in your laptop. This is why guys won't sleep with you...
today's thought: if you're naming your fb album "wEdDiNg dAy!!!!!!" you're too young to get married
This wouldn't happen so much if fat girls would just stop being so damn easy.
i found two dead squirrels on my front step this morning.. do you think they have something to do with my missing phone?
you taught an eight year old how to shotgun a half pint of chocolate milk, that's all i'm saying
I mean, unless you wanna just let me lie there while you fuck me and pour water into my mouth
Dude, that was like bongs ago.
I feel like a sex bomb and I need to go explode on somebody
So yeah, my old kindergarten teacher just asked me who gave me the hickies on me neck.
I don't know what's wrong with me. The guy from bar rescue is making me horny
He shampooed and conditioned his pubes but can't manscape for shit.
I assure you, it was not a Porn Hub Bee Movie parody.
we've dated a week and made out twice. he is taking it slow. but his body is stupid sexy. just want him to stop respecting me and fuck me like a gutter slut. respect me later im not getting younger.
It's taking all of my will power not to chug this margarita. This must be the life of an adult...
I would give away three of my own ribs to be able to eat myself out.
...ew
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