Remeber, hes got nothing better to offer you than drunk words and hairy balls.
I never thought I would get head to the lion king soundtrack
Under no circumstances is it ok to do naked cartwheels in front of anyone. i don't care how much ecstasy you took
red lips, whiskey sips, shaking hips, nipple slips. my life as a rap song.
Sex should always be followed by Chinese food in bed.
I should start wearing my Batman shirt more often when I drink. Good things happen. All sorts of shit.
We are in Florida for 3 days. The people in charge of shit brought: a waffle maker, a cheese grater and a SEWING MACHINE
AND NO VODKA
Should I be flattered that she mumbled "You're the king of my face" before passing out?
WHO TURNS DOWNA FRESHLY WAXED VAGINA IN A MAIDS COSTUME LITERALLY LAYING IN YOUR BED
Sorry I called bc I needed help peeing outside
But I did it
Just had a customer call his drug dealer in front of me but act like it was normal call.
We are totally like Jim and Pam, except ya know, drunk and not together anymore.
Ya know. I was thinking of my slutty moments the other day and finally know which one makes the number 1 spot.
cinco de mayo stole my toenail
cinco de mayo stole my virginity.
In the past year, I've fucked 3 Dave's and you've fucked 2 Dave's. That's a lot of Dave's in our vaginas.
We need to start a soap opera called the Dave's of Our Lives.
Randomize
