I woke up on a futon with 2 stolen budwiesers in my purse, 5 extra bucks, a sucker stuck to my shoe, one sock, and a stolen copy of the zombie survival guide
please tell me this is not legit
Just watched a guy pause a bluetooth convo to puke outside of esso. gotta love orangeville
we usually just have an Easter beer hunt and never end up at church anyways
DONT TAKE THE KEG OUT OF THE HOT TUB I NEED A PICTURE OF ME DOING A KEG STAND ON IT
Well, at first I was really confused. But then I realized that he was talking from his penis's perspective... in third person.
trying to imitate man vs food after 12 shots doesnt mean youll get laid
The guy I met last night said we had a real connection and gave me his AA coin because he met me during his relapse
Just asking. Could've given you a lap dance in a sombrero, drenched in corona and tequila.
God Bless cinco de mayo
I mean honestly, I love naps like Anthony Weiner loves sending dick pics
I had a really bad dream about us drinking this weekend. Remind me to tell you Friday when we start drinking
If God invented something better than rough, drunken, lesbian sex he kept that shit to himself.
Looking for my adderal, only found acid. What a shame
It was fine. Until I accidentally shit on his floor.
I want to have sex in my car again before I put the car seat back in
I’m really regretting these suede pants.
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