Quoting wale wont save you from herpes
I just pulled the condom that i lost on tues out of me at work ewwww!
there's chicken and sequins in our bathroom sink. part of me almost wants to know what happened
Okay I've seen like three girls walking around crying today. Weird?
everyone's regretting their thursdays.
Don't take this the wrong way but I just mistook a trash can for you
Have you been tested recently?
Well I got my shots when I was a baby so I think I'm immune
My dad is drinking wine out of a measuring cup. This explains so much.
judging by my wet hair I would guess I showered at the bartenders apt last night?
I've decided he is effectively a mouth, hands and cock held together by bad ideas and compliments, and I'm OK with that.
Somehow I've got the party rigged to where I get a foot massage every time someone wants a beer out of the fridge. Hellz yeah
That's what you get for doing kinky shit with a guy that lives in his moms basement.
Listen, I bought the coke that got us those free drinks, okay? Show some respect.
The only thing he told me before he passed out was that he is from Buffalo and I'm a bitch.
I wanna trust fall face first on a penis.
PSA Do not blow dry your junk.
Randomize
