I just spent all my babysitting money on red cups and beer.
People still let you watch their kids?
She was kinda tragic... like a puppy that runs into things. Cute but really stupid. So, yeah, I hit it.
He asked me to grab his balls and yell "thats a spicy meat-a-ball" Last time I do requests.
My drunk body wants to fuck you so bad, but my high mind is telling me it's too much work. I think I'm just gonna stay home and eat some Mac and cheese. Sorry.
It was some time between the gurgles of her blowing me to us throwing up in the same bucket afterwards that I realized we would be doing this a lot.
Going to have to start putting down newspaper if puking the bed is going to be a habit
I think it's a friendship ring and the other part is on his cats collar
I pretty much threw up on him while he slept, I had one task today which was to wash the sheets that I threw up on and I turned them pink. I would leave me if I could
I feel like "stop licking my face" isn't something that needs to be repeated twice
Ok now a guy in a winnie the pooh costume is grinding on some chick to the song shots
The cab driver was nice enough to let you finish your beer in the car, but you crossed the line when you started to pee in the empty bottle
Either I'm still drunk or the right side of the bed is now the left side.
Well I'm glad your Saturday night went a lot better than mine. I spent mine crying in a McDonald's parking lot.
The bad thing is that I bled through my bandages last night and keep finding blood around the house. It's almost like a scavenger hunt for solber me. I get to find out where drunk me went.
Hitting up all my dealers for my birthday grams is paying off
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