I wish everyone could be as happy as the people in the laxative commercials.
Not only did a random toaster end up in my house last night, it's also full of skittles.
needless to say, I hope she has to get an abortion again
Wow. 8.8 earthquake hit Chile this morning
didn't feel it. :)
It's like 5 thousand miles away of course you didn't.
wait what? so it's not in america?
They are literally fucking next to the DJ Booth to a techno Remix to Pacman. She is going waka waka waka. WHY ARE YOU NOT HERE FOR THIS?!
I understand that I gave you a nose bleed with a cheeto last night and for that I apologize
all i know is that i listed him in my phone as 'vagina cookies.' that can only be a good thing.
Everytime the frat boy touches his bro's ass after making a cup take a drink
some chick tossed a drink in your face at the bar last night. your mouth was opened so i think you ended up swallowing at least half of it. good job.
How are you feeling?
Hungover as shit. Someone just knocked on my window to make sure I was alive. I have been sleeping in the drivers seat for an hour parked outside my store. That is how okay I am.
my balls were so many shades of blue last night I could have used them as paint and replicated the entirety of Picaso's blue period. The girl was an art major I feel like this metaphor is appropriate.
I'm so bored I talked to the Bible guys for 30 minutes.
I offered them beer last time they came here bahaha
I would drive 12 hours round trip for you to have an orgasm, cause that's friendship
I'm constantly crying, and now I start crying every time I masturbate which is a fun development.
My sex toys have been held in customs for almost a month now. They're British, what the hell?!?
Randomize
