well when mom kept referring to my "black hole of a vagina" and how i devoured all the nuts at the party like i was a pro, i figured my stay was up.
did anyone else see me puking into my coat sleeve?
we found a loaf of bread in my bathroom i believe its yours. sorry i took a shower before we noticed so it might be soggy
WHATEVER CLASS IS PLAYING "TOOT IT AND BOOT IT" AT 8:30 IN THE MORNING, I WANT IN.
I just did a sobriety test in a tutu.
Maybe I should forgo underwear.
This is a family BBQ no?
He left a trail of vomit straight from our dorm to the bathroom. Looks like we have our identities for the rest of the year.
On the train at 650am after a night of clubbing and running away from a new zealander who was buying us beers but also licking windows
No. I either had a 6 minute orgasm or I had so many I lost count. I'm still not sure.
My mother is a bitch. She just outed me to my dad. He wants to meet you by the way...
See, I'm just thinking of how...angular my room is. You probably would have sustained brain damage
I don't like pregnant me. I eat very large burritos, I don't like having sex and I can't even finish a Blue Moon.
Oh, btw, UPS might come by. Drunk me ordered us $75 worth of gummy airhead starburst type candies. Whatever it is, it'll be delicious.
i refuse to take responsibility for eating Chuck E Cheese pizza and having any other repercussions than the shits.
Did I literally just offer a blowjob for help moving? Yes. Yes, I did.
Randomize
