What are we going to do tonight?
What we try to do every night. Take over the world
Her mom drove me home after I blew a .13 So there I am wishing her mom a happy mother's day sitting in the passenger seat where I just banged her daughter 15 min prior
I'm trying real hard to keep it on the DL how drunk I am at lunch with my grandma.
I look like a sausage in jean shorts, you should have woken up earlier and approved my outfit.
I cannot convey how much I really do love Chris Hansen. FYI: he is the JC Chasez of my adult years.
Came to from my blackout with native american warrior facepaint on I'm too old for this shit
The facepaint not the blacking out
My Grandma made me promise not to drink more beer, so I'm chugging wine.
I got carried out by security last night. AND the taxi had to drive up onto the sidewalk to get me i was that drunk.
Made out with a chick in front of a girl I'm banging and successfully reDENNISed her within 9 hours
This tiny Canadian guy just tipped me $20, a piece of gum, and a joint. I wasn't working. He literally tipped me for talking to him.
But I mean how many guys can say they get blow jobs and grilled cheese with football
I was so high I didn't realize I'd put on someone else's bra. I thought my boobs had shrunk.
Today's goals: get day drunk then sober up in time for the walking dead tonight.
THAT'S NOT NICE
NEITHER WAS PROMISING NOT TO TAKE MY SISTER'S VIRGINITY, THEN PROMPTLY DOING SO
Haha just talked to the dude you bit on Thursday. He has been growing a beard to hide the bruising....
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