Honey, If i waited till marriage I wouldnt know what a dick tasted like.
On a positive note, new entry in my phone as 'HOT ASS, DOWN TO FUCK'. idk if its a boy or girl tho.
Update, its a couple
& he told me 'I don't think ur a big slut-just kind of an average slut'
HE THINKS THATS A COMPLIMENT!!!!!
i woke up with my wallet keys and phone missing and a treasure map to find them stapled to my shirt.
haha i know
Someone in a vagina costume on campus.
Can we get blazed at 9:06 on sunday and reenact the moment of my birth?
I get to be your mom.
I still smell like men's body wash from that drunken shower I took at that stranger's home last night.
Guess who woke up with a hangover this morning? The same person whose parents found out and woke her up by banging pots and pans with wooden spoons.
Fun thought: I realized the thing I miss most about him is dixie kong's double trouble on his super Nintendo. It's possible that I don't have a soul.
I survive off of bourbon and the tears of others only
Stop acting like the Lucky Charms you're feeding people is actually ecstasy.
... why is there baby oil , black socks and frozen hot dogs in the sink this morning ?
We need to know if his feet match his cock.
Dear in laws. I am not spending any holidays with you. I dislike your company. A lot.
Wow. I want to climb Santa. You've made my mind go places I wasn't prepared to explore.
Randomize
