A girl just asked me to co-sign for her boob job because she didn't have enough credit built up. This is a first.
the pharmacist hit on me as i picked up my herpes medecine. i think we found a winner.
I hate the hobo that sits outside our building
Joe or Chris?
do i even wanna kno y u kno their names?
well i came home drunk one night and Chris offered me a beer as i was coming in, it was kinda weird but i wasn't goin to deny a free beer. you're proolly talkin about Joe though, he's the one with the fucked up eye.
my dentist asked me why my tooth was chipped, i told him i couldn't remember. i think he understands.
i definitely just woke up with half of a cigarette tucked underneath my balls. Last night must have been interesting
Sorry 4 leaving u in the dumpster last night
PAAAANTS ARE FOR AAAASSHOLES
I woke up this morning to a lot of blurry photos of a swan i must have chased down the riverbank and a handbag full of loose haribo.
If i ever die cab you make sure bag pipes are at my funeral they are awsome
If they could bottle a hangover it would taste exactly like lemon lime Gatorade and failed hopes and dreams
If I ever go to jail it will be because of you, I can feel it.
He came on my favorite pants. He is dead to me.
Too much dab too little lung dying šµšµšµ
Verdict: uncircumcised.
i out mim tonsoeep
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