Dude, the girl i fucked last night left wearing my high school musical shirt you bought me. she also left her panties here though.
The one with Zac Efrons face on it? You definitely got the short in of the stick. i'd rather have the shirt
fuck. yeah me too. i don't even think these panties would fit me
i want tt clbm rinabw nd ride uncrn
what?
i wnt tto climb a rainboww and ride a unicornnnnnnnnn
Is it wrong of me that I wish I could be a midget for a day so I can give head standing up?
I just saw a fat chick walking across campus talking to herself and licking her lips. Diet season is scary.
What happened?....
He lifted up the blanket, and whispered "Don't do it" to his sperm....
is it bad that listening to the rabbi's wife talk about how we should only be with one person is making me really, really horny for no string attached sex
He kept buying me shots of tequila. I decided to just save myself the half hour of toilet hugging and tell him straight up that I intended on sleeping with him. We got Tacos on the way home with all the money we saved.
She just came home holding a fire hydrant. Yes a fire hydrant.
Her boobs felt like beanie babies from heaven
The sex definitely would have been a perk. But not sitting in a ditch was what I was going for...
Ran into my FWB on my walk of shame and went back to her place. Even my walk of shames are awesome!!!
Guess who just stumbled into work hungover, wearing yesterday's clothes, covered in hickeys and glitter, and carrying a giant bottle of rum in her purse.
I just took plan B at work.
This is the greatest story of all time.
I basically spent the entire weekend in bed with that red head.Every time I tried to leave she got me too horny to think straight. I was kidnapped by vagina
It’s only loud for those who wanna get loud. The bowlers are protected.
The bartender remember my drink from last sat. I think we just became drocals...drunk. locals.
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