it only takes four glasses of wine for me to ride an elephant with a stranger.
May or may not have just drunkenly opened my christmas presents. Greatly disappointed. Might break up sooner.
Wife passed out. Doing shots with the hot bartender... Don't tell me I don't know how to celebrate a 1yr anniversary
Either way you look at it, I'm a slut. But either way I look at it, I'm having a fucking blast.
Totally just projectile vomited while ridind a bicycle.
I AM SUCH A BETTER PERSON ON DRUGS
you tried to fill your inhaler with vodka
Dude. I legit missed class because I got too engrossed in the porn I was watching. Also I need to figure out how to get as flexible as these chicks. Some of the positions they do are outrageous.
You texted me a picture of your face along with #help
So everything was good he was big spoon I was little spoon and then I got peed on
Prerry sure I narrowly avoided being tazed by a swat cop last night... But on the up side, we found my purse.
Of course I'm watching space shows while stoned on the science channel. Why would I want to learn while not baked out of my skull?
One minute we're singing Wagon Wheel, and the next you're belly dancing in a trash bag on the beer pong table
i dunno dude, he took his shirt off and is rubbing jello shots on himself. i think he's done
So the makeout sesh? Not so great. His stubble rubbed my face raw, he tried to push me towards auto-erotic asphyxiation, and he licked my forehead. Twice.
Randomize