I'm so hungover And my mouth is so dry it feels like my tongue is wearing a sweater
we're doing beer bongs from the windmill...epic
Let's just cut to the chase. I'm not interested in anything romantic but I aAM interested in Tom Petty and maybe getting high and fucking you again for old times sake.
The cops caught them pow wowing in the teepee at the entrance of the golf course at 5 am. But were still missing someone.
You kept apologizing for not offering me some of your Whisky, which you referred to as "Jesus Nectar".
I just peed behind the dumpster and dedicated it to you. Can i call u?
do you think they make 'sorry for walking in on you drunkenly jacking of to a picture of me' cards?
I run into you far too many times while completely stoned and/or drunk for this not to be fate. It's like god is telling you to fuck me.
It has been happening a lot lately.
I am in a hotel room with 10 people. John is in bed eating an industrial sized pan of mashed potatoes. I think a non insignificant number of people saw my nipples.
I love being high. The owl outside stopped who-ing and I could swear I just heard someone say, "Okay, that's a wrap!"
Where can I buy a stripper pole at midnight on a Sunday?
She's going to be the first to die of too much illness. Not even super bad stuff like cancer but like for having a cold at the same time as a sore throat and chlamydia or something. Just too much diseases.
He's driving 2 hours to visit me and he's bringing weed. I love him so much.
If by fun you mean, did I meet her cousin for the.first time and bang him, then yes it was a productive evening.
This is a crisis. I had a huge crush on him in seventh grade and now his girlfriend is due to have his child on my birthday. HIS CHILD CAN'T BE BORN ON MY BIRTHDAY.
Randomize