i just practiced my bj skills on a banana in front of the mirror
its going to be a good night
I will give you a bj if you get me food. NOT A JOKE. FREE BJ.
I found the perfect eye liner, it passed the blow job test, no smudging!!
i feel this will be the best possible way to start a friendship. By breaking into his house.
In the middle of the State of the Union, she unzipped my pants and started giving me head. I've never been so proud to be an American.
I don't care how sexy you think I look in my scrubs. Wanting a blow job is not a medical emergency.
He put my hand on his penis and said welcome home.
Nothing like snapchatring dick pics to a\nMarried woman while your girlfriend destroys Taco Bell in the next room. Almost caught, worth it. Got boobs back
When I was hooking up with this guy last night all I could think about was if we were in Game of Thrones... I need to stop doing drugs
We were cuddling in his bed and I asked him a question and followed by making a microphone with my hand and told him to speak into it. If he never talks to me again that's probably why.
I found you laying in a field of grass near the trail I jog on in the morning like a drunken Bambi.
This band has the most fuckable violin player I have ever seen.
He drove me to my therapist appointment because I was too drunk to drive. Total keeper.
Your cat ate my taco.
. . . I don't have a cat?
It was laying in your bed. Now it's hunting for more tacos.
My ex is stopping by while he’s working tonight after delivering a pizza to fuck me, then going back to work at Pizza Hut. This is what my life has become.
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