He called me an ungrateful bitch because I lauged when he asked me "how do you me and a bed sound?"
Like I should be grateful for the 5 minutes I sit on top of him and stare at the wall.
I wish I was a guy so I could jack myself off anytime I wanted to
Honestly dude, i think you should ignore the restraining order if you really love her.
ya i found him eventually. hes the only one who drinks guiness so I just had to follow the darkest green puke trail
You got kicked out of the strip club for spilling a tall boy on the stage and when the bouncers came to take you out you told them that they should probably go clean up your pee in the back corner cause they didn't seem to notice that
did i really just refer to you as "the mid season replacement"
I'm drinking carlo rossi straight from the jug. I don't have any clean cups...how am I still at this point in my life...
Sitting in the library studying = googling how to get laid in the library.
Look, the coffee machine died a noble death. It was the way it would have wanted to go. It was a mercy exploding, really.
They found me wandering around campus screaming body shots over and over again wrapped in a curtain
I just woke up and my ass is covered in honey and my eye brows are shaved off.
her nickname was handjob. I knew what i was getting into.
Well now you know... If you can get over the awkward... The dick is 10 min away.
it was awkward when he was taking off my clothes and i had to help him undo my fanny pack
I'm too hungover to Google him and try to save face.
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