You're completely useless in the revolution.
When the phrase "Wow your huge" came out of her mouth I knew it was gonna be a good night.
im pretty sure every drug dealer is going to be able to retire the day after alice in wonderland comes out
She left scratches down my back from her wedding ring. Her husband seems like a nice guy though, judging by the scratches it had to be at least a carat.
For future reference, when you see people who look like Rosie O'donell, do not tell them they look like Rosie O'donell.
I totally cried the whole time and then screamed out my new therapists name....
we've decided whoever is stupid enough to use the condom that's tacked to the wall deserves to get pregnant.
You're about to fuck a guy with a sweatshirt tied around his waist like a mensurating 13 year old. Get your priorities straight, you're graduating tomorrow.
Remind me not to get naked underneath a tree I'm allergic to again.
I JUST ATE A STRANGE BURRITO, I SHOULD NOT BE EXPECTED TO KNOW ANYTHING RIGHT NOW.
When I was drunk texting him about three ways he seemed more interested in just seeing me. And that's when I knew something was wrong with him
I just realized my new apartment is at the corner of Patrick Henry and Mary Jane.
Give me weed or give me death?
I've had more orgasms than showers this week.
She deleted me on Facebook. I think it's safe to say that she knows I fucked him now.
Hey man, he's too drunk to remember what you said. What drugs are we buying and when should we expect them?
Randomize
