Being pregnant is so damn inconvenient for my sex life.
After we had sex, she played this little piggy with my toes
Just woke up. First thing I see: Little brother eating last night's jello shots thinking they're reg jello.
bitch please you did NOT just unlike my status..
Im eating the cereal I found in my pocket and drinking wine out of the bottle.
I wish my head, heart, dick, and nose could just agree on something for once
The goal for tonight is vagina. In and around. Doesn't matter who. How. Or why.
Hes pre-made beer lollipops so he "can suck before the sex" QUOTE!
I think I hit my head on every surface in that apartment last night
Boys should be on-demand - like, once you select one, he's yours for the next 24-hours
Going to dump some dried Xanax powder into some Mac and cheese. Can't think of a better way to avoid tasting it.
I think the highlight of my night is when I was eating a mayonnaise sandwich. drunk me was on point.
It's just not St. Patrick's Day until someone pukes on your panties.
Woke up in a car, do you own a silver car parked a few miles form the house...hope so
I've been in town for almost 36 hrs and I haven't made out with a stranger yet - I consider THAT a record!
Randomize
