It's mornings like this that make me happy to have a clean pair of underwear in my purse.
it is 7:54 and i am surrounded by drunk old people. drunk enough that my grandmother and her friend just compared boobs. as in, shirts off, bras coming down. save me.
I have only been in this city 3 nights and there are already 4 bars I can never go back to again.
The waiter to-go cupped my bloody mary without me even asking. THAT hungover.
i told her she would have to blow me everytime we lost a game of beer pong, she never noticed i purposely hit our opponents in the face every other shot
It starts with an S and ends with arah just gave me a bj.
i was on the fence about his sexual orientation until he referred to his marlboro loghts as "carrie bradshaws"
so does the 200 for rent and 150 for utilities include the never telling my boyfriend about the guys i bring home.. or is that extra?
Lmao. We just snorted some mystery powder uriah found packged up in my car, that i know has been in there almost a year... Its adventure time.
we've decided whoever is stupid enough to use the condom that's tacked to the wall deserves to get pregnant.
don't you dare blame getting arrested on me. you sugested we play the penis game and we all know I'm a strong competitor
That would be an interesting position... Not entirely certain how that'd work!
Gravity is no match for my libido
It was the cape. I can't control myself when I wear a cape.
Wait I can't come yet Mr. Brightside is playing
ok i defs just took my shirt off in the middle of a frat party though so keep me updated
This is the best 30th birthday ever. In a Motel 6 drinking a shower beer and sending slow-mo dick helicopter videos to you.
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