I bet him anal if they won...the one time Detroit decides to win, it had to be this week
yea i guess its safe to say fire extinguishers are not synonymous with whip cream cans
I couldnt give him head when all I could hear was his little brother playing the piano and this family singing along to it.
When that rick ross song came on he started ripping up dollar bills and pouring out drinks on the floor. I'm all for ignorance but it was a little excessive for a wedding
Dude, you need to come clean your dates vomit off the ceiling. What in the hell were you guys doing?!
It's like hey here is one penis enjoy nothing but that for the rest of your life
I mean, the sex was awesome last weekend, but I didn't even imagine I'd reached ovarian rupture status.
You said you couldn't look at me because you would have to take off your sunglasses but you can't because they're the "guides to your eyes".
The gas station was closed so we found old PBR and played Edward Nalgene Hands instead
I came home wearing somebody's thong. If you're missing one message me privately.
"I made out with someone too, but then he tried to fuck and I played dead"
So how'd the job interview go?
well turns out the guy interviewing me was a regular at the strip club where i used to work. Talk about awkward
Apparently I called down to the hotel front desk and begged them to bring us pizza. They brought us tea.
I can't believe the MLB is making the NHL look good.
I need to get laid. Right now that freshman frat pledge & my Econ professor are the leading candidates
That’s quite a spread
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