Short Circuit remake moving forward, David Carradine dead by his own hand. Come home soon, society deteriorating rapidly. Nation's capitol likely not safe.
I was in a gas station that sold tazers and I just saw a billboard that said "Strippers, need we say more?" God I love Georgia!
Did you make me take pictures of your ass last night because you fucked on some wet paint or did i dream that?
At 4 am, making my walk of shame, the hotel security followed me to my car with his flashlight shined directly on me. I felt like either a criminal or like I was about to get raped. Can't a girl sneak out of a hotel room without an actual spotlight on her?!?!?!
I'm on the struggle bus
just ordered a number 1 at a fast food restaurant that doesn't have numbers
No she probably looked into my aura and saw that my penis would ruin her.
Can I get that on a shirt
Is your gma going to be okay with me passed out drunk on the ground
can i bring anything?
Any of the following: Sex doll, side dish, fruits/vegetables that look like dildos, beer
is there a theme i should know about?
Tequila is gods way of telling you don't fuck with tequila
I'm alittle affraid you might be dead, seeing how your work party is in an hour and you haven't answered me? I mean I'm picturing you 1. Passed out in your car covered in fries or 2. On a boat in a box to Mexico covered in coke. Please let it be number 1. And aren't we going to your work party?
I will forever remember this as The Great Jalepeno Cock Burn of 2014.
You gotta come over now. He is eating cupcakes while they are still in the foil.
These rednecks don't fuck around. This party is completely BYOB and we now have 6 kegs, 3 of which have already been emptied.
He came into my room last night and started peeing underneath my desk, I told him the bathroom was the next door over.
I got drunk off three vodka cranberry’s and told him to “WWE raw dog me.” Fucking kill me.
Randomize
