I just caught myself dancing like an old lady in the shower. Have I reached the age where booty dancing stops and swaying of the upper body begins?
he said i'm too pretty to suck penis
all thats left of you is your magnum wrapper on my dresser
Just remembered throwing your phone at your face in a half-drunk stupor the other morning when your alarm went off. Thought I should apologize.
note to self... there IS such a thing as having too many birthday shots...
Well i have to fuck at least one of your roommates this year to keep the tradition alive.
I don't know. I woke up in the back of a cab in a drive thru line at whataburger with police lights flashing and my friend yelling" you didn't have to sell us out phil!" to the cab driver.
Two penises later: I might be straighter than I think.
don't forget friday is see who can get the most free drinks at the gay bar contest. winner gets $50
It all boils down to, who else do we know that is willing to buy our friendship?
The only thing I'm asking santa for is my period.
And vodka?
And vodka.
Do you have any need for a scary clown mask?
Well you were listening to music and having sex really loudly. How was I supposed to know you'd hear me making rocket sounds?
At least your road beer policy is responsible. Well, relatively speaking.
You drunk-dialed me and asked me to describe my burrito
Randomize
