Just gargled Fireball to get the fish taco taste out of my mouth. Almost as good as gum.
i may have used way too many innuedos last night. i scared him off. but really... how could i pass up "stimulus package" and "flacid economy." don't answer that.
Im at a strip club, and the dancer just farted into my face. The bad part about that is I could taste the wings I bought her earlier
if three guys were standing in front of you and they differed only in the hairiness of the groin who would you choose: smooth as a baby's bottom, the grass lands or the amazon jungle?
i think you're getting too neurotic about why she won't touch you.
Yeah. We was talkin. Its ok. My bed is too filled with pam for sex. Its like a slip and slide of butter product.
drunk sex in a shower = bad idea broken arm
Thought I woke up to a girl giving me a handy. It was a male nurse inserting a catheter.
I just fucked my ex's ex's ex. Love quadrilateral complete
honestly, i just want you to have sex with him too so that you can fully understand my appreciation of his dick as well.
Apparently she was filling Miller Lite bottles with water because I refused to be seen drinking water in a bar
Look at you go. You're like the Slutty Librarian that Could. They should write children's books about you. Children's books for adults.
The guy at the rodeo just told me "if ya don't say none, ya don't get none". What the hell does that mean?
Im pretty sure you just got hit on by a gay cowboy.....
I woke up this morning wearing his boxers as a shirt
You kept apologizing to your car for talking behind its back
He’s older
Like “has a job and pays his bills” older or “still watches porn on DVD because he can’t figure out the Internet” older?
Randomize
