The worst thing about having a parent with a prius is that they can walk in on you without any warning
I got vodka in my stocking. Having an alcoholic mom has paid off.
Someone in my class is wearing shirt and on the back it says...National Bible Quiz Finalist 2006. Do you really expect me to find a guy here
She's never going to forget it... Christmas Anal.
The gay viking and his eqyptian 'queen' hooked up on our couches. They pushed them together to make a bed. Innovative, but awkward to come home from work to at 7 am.
I was so exhausted I thought about using my deep throat spray to stop my coughing.
Spring Fling is on 420. The theme better be 'Flower Child'.
I want there to be fog machines and unicorns.
Let's run into the wild and just eat berries and have sex all the time.
Would giving a bouquet of flowers to my mother be a good way to say, "sorry you walked in on my boyfriend eating me out"?
Are the transvestites working the counter tonight? Last time I was there they gave me love advice.
I've decided to take one for the team and bang the landlady for lower rent.
Men are too sensitive. They need to learn to handle me.
Let’s try it, I’ve never had a bad time with sex, tacos and beer.
I miss your drunken presence, and strong odor of hard liquor and potent weed.
she said a prayer for the pipe you broke. she did the sign of the cross and everything
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