Oh man I wish you'd been in the car w/ me today. I followed a school bus home filled w/ young boys and I flipped them off the entire way. They loved it.
i finally understand why guys leave in the middle of the night.......they got it right
I just told my parents that Capt'n Crunch does weird things to my mouth... my dad just stared at me
i woke up to see him pissing on your n64. thats like killing a unicorn. punishable by death for sure.
girl in front of me in lecture is looking up on ask.com about chlamydia.
Maryland truck stops are full of people with killer mustaches
sorry for making everyone realize you look like bruce jenner
I cant leave dude. theres a horse with a top hat on
Second night spent with creepy guy. I either need to change his nickname or stop doing this.
I guess I really am the only person in this world who can successfully have a no-strings-attached threesome on the beach.
In case you were wondering, taking me to see beauty and the beast in theaters would totally get you an unsolicited sloppy beej in the parking lot afterwards.
You should probably take note of that and make it happen.
I'll keep you from getting pregnant and you keep my papers gramaticallly correct
I just put bacon on a thin mint and enjoyed the shit out of it. I better not be fucking pregnant.
ecstacy + fleshlight = not all that upset about being newly single anymore
I don't want to go back to the suburbs. Being drunk in public isn't ok and theres too many children. Don't make me.
Randomize
