hotel room ftw
You drinking a lot?
No.
Define a lot
I saw two morbidly obese women get winded after fighting over the last motorized wheelchair at Walmart
These are the moments in life you observe a force greater than us at work
Dude its so hot it my room I can't jack off. Its gonna be a long summer.
The amount of pregnancy tests I've taken in my life is unhealthy
I really couldn't tell if she was disgusted with the fact that I yacked on her shoes, or if she was about to do the same to me.
The first aid guy just told us to go get hammered...I'm taking his advice
Unfortunately, the Bilbo Baggins adventure side of me that likes to go on adventures appears to be losing to the side of me that likes to smoke weed in the bathtub and watch Workaholics.
what i'd really like is a nice helping of naked boyfriend with a side of naked boyfriend.
Just accidentally flashed my junk to the lady helping me try on suits, it was cold in there, I don't think she was impressed.
Lindsey Lohan and I have slept with the same amount of people. The only thing she's now beating me on is rehab trips and teen choice awards, so really I'm the winner.
Did I tell you I’m going on a date? His name is Michael and we both like dinosaurs and anal.
I'm about to go get lunchables and alcohol. Take that adulthood
HILY FUCK HES HERE I HAVE MONISTAT IN ME HE SUPRISED ME
Now I am free. And I want to go meet men. My phone deleted all my contacts, and I consider this to be a new beginning. With a new man in my phone book.
Randomize
