the best thing about tacos is after you shit them all out you feel like to have room for your dignity to come back
My dad is complaining about how his computer keeps getting viruses. I don't have the heart to tell him he needs to stop downloading so much porn.
He asked for his proof of insurance and he pulled out a Magnum by mistake. All of the sudden gignger was looking real good to me.
so i woke up.. still drunk and discovered my roommate in the living room passed out dick-in-hand watching porn..
What did u do?
turned the porn up and opened the windows so everybody goin to class could see him..
I'm going to get so drunk tonight, I actually feel bad about the 30 seconds of drunken awkward sex I'm going to have with one lucky fat chick.
there was this guy running across campus barefoot in the pouring rain stepping in all the puddles. i want his life. and i want to be stripper.
But hes like a baby bird with a broken wing that i want to FUCK.
Trust me. Drunk Scrabble is not a good idea. Arguments over the legitimacy of the word "Pickle" break out, things are said, friendships are ruined. It's ugly.
I'm sorry I didn't respond. I had a shit day. However, I just masturbated to Adele's Rolling In the Deep while crying. It was oddly therapeutic.
He peed my bed and tried to say it was just the wine. The red wine. On white sheets. He's not a good liar.
I WANT PIZZA BUT I ALSO WANT SELF ESTEEM
BUT LIKE WHO AM I TO EVER CARE ABOUT SELF ESTEEM
You told me you were trying to learn all the MLB ballparks while you waited for your porn to load.
unless you want this visit to have a different tone... more romantic, less molly in a hotel room
I am no longer embarassed by my vagina
It concerns why you would be in the first place, but I'd rather not know
Yeah totally passed out in their trash can last night.
Randomize
