Well, its 5:30am and you haven't let me in, I guess ill go home
I just dry heaved the smell of jagerbombs....which proceeded to make me hurl for real.
I feel like I should limit myself to one meal prepared from a box per day
I've never seen so many strippers at a funeral...
Tonight when I'm getting a bj from a stripper I'm gonna imagine it's you bobbing down there
In between when I last wrote and now have screwed a Swiss guy on a hostel bathroom floor. Okay, real life?
My pubes were yanked out by the root when they got caught in the condom. I think it's time for a bikini wax.
My stalker sent me an erotic poem. Who knew anyone could find a way to rhyme birth and girth so eloquently?
When you and Blake get an apartment I want you to buy this Costco couch I'm currently passing out on.
Whatever. That's why I am to be babied like a calf. I regret nothing.
I'm missing my left shoe, and there's a note on my foot (in my handwriting) that says "HAHA BITCH" Any explanation for this?
Now in listening to Jerome Bettis speak at the hall of fame and my boner just started twirling a terrible towel
I woke up to Dragon Ball Z playing in Portuguese and a donut shish-kebab~ed on a dick in my face.
well, shes hot as hell, but she does keep saying she's the president of the loch ness monster's fan club, so that's kinda a red flag...
Hey. You got pizza and sex. How much more can you ask for?
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