Laziness has reached now heights if you too unmotivated to buy pot
I've got 15 minutes to eat dinner and drink a 40. Four years of college has all been training for this moment.
Dude that musta been some handjob last night. The sound of her pandora bracelet kept waking me up
Let's turn this shoulder dislocation into a positive. Come to the hospital, bring some beers, let's party.
Like what kind of adult things? Whats more adult than drinking at 2pm on a monday?
Please find an outlet that isn't stripping or getting drunk and arrested
I opened my package from my mom today. She put four bottles of tequila in the bottom under my ducky slippers. She knows me way to well.
Theres a high probability there will be two hot men waiting on you in your bed when you get home for lunch.
He pointed at some girls and said "I'm gonna have sex with them girls over there", and disappeared.
Pencil dick carries the name proudly.
Pain in my heart, regret in my vagina
I emailed the police apartment to apologize to the officer from last night. I practically threw a hissy fit because he wouldn't hug me.
It was "against protocol"
Have you ever come so hard that right after you have the urge to yell "make me a sandwich!"? ...I think my ovaries turned into testicles.
You know we have no secrets, right? I mean, you saw me shitting in a gift bag drunk and naked on Christmas eve.
Oh man I knew I took that Molly too soon, talkin to some Scottish people lol but don’t like rollin in pizza restaurants.
Randomize
