my boss just made his own remix to aaron carter's i want candy. i cant decide if its the funniest or most embarrassing thing ive seen
I'm gonna laugh so hard when we're both married with families
That statement alone makes me laugh so hard.
I've carried my liver for over 24 years. If it can't carry me for the next 24 hours than it deserves to be damaged.
You peed on someones bathroom floor while saying people are rude for not flushing
Well you finally jumped into that tree you've always wanted into and some girl gave you an 8.5. You were very happy.
True freedom is running around a sex club in former power plant in Berlin wearing a boots, a jock
My head feels like Jesus is projectile vomiting hammers on it
Just sucked some sandy dick on a boardwalk & now I'm at a family reunion hbu
The guys are trying to figure out my orientation....think theyve settled on "drunksexual"
That's what jaeger bombs out of teacups will do to you.
I added a U.S. Senator on snapchat....casual.
I'm wearing sunglasses around my house. Douchebag status. The hangover is real.
He didn't get how "starting a flash flood in my thunderhole" was a sexy euphemism. Deal breaker.
I wonder how drunk we can get before Christmas Caroling turns into trespassing.
Crawl out into the sunshine and off your vibrator for 7 minutes
Randomize
