question: does your pee smell like mojitos at all?
no one should ever give us hovercrafts
yea last night was a repeat of newyears...exept this time it ivolved a fish costume, throw up, a hole in the roof, and cops...lots of cops
I bought him bourbon as a thank you for his apology. What is wrong with me?
Until she magically finds a brain, I'm going to be a dick. Fair trade. She's a idiot, I'm an ass.
Right now he's sitting in the chair pointing to me to go away. He's trying to have quiet time with his penis.
Also I feel that I would be a hell of a sled dog operator.
All I remember is a very aggressive two-stepper who inadvertently made me give myself a black eye with my own beer
You went through my pantry and left one of everything in the box. One cracker. One cheesit. One piece of cereal. I really fucking hate you.
So everything was good he was big spoon I was little spoon and then I got peed on
You're the only person I know that could get laid while visiting their grandpa in florida
His eyefucking isn't even normal eyefucking; it's eye anal.
he's not even weird he's been offering me different drinks all night
oh i remember now hes the guy that liked when i peed on him
i had to flash a cab last night.
did it work?
No. he slowed down but then kept going. story of my life.
My parents are coming to visit the 28th. How bad is it that I put a reminder in my phone to "hide sex toys"?
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