Hey, It's Lauren. i wanted to talk to you tonight. I like you, as you know because kyle told you. I was wondering if you liked me too?
Are you in the third fucking grade? Check yes or no.
Did you fuck her?
If by "fuck her" you mean "threw up on her shoes," then yes, I achieved that.
im officially scared..,i finally realized who my boyfriend reminds me of! spencer pratt
Too tired to do the dishes so I made mac and cheese in a teapot. There's still some left if you want some...
I can't believe I'm wasting this thong on a guy in a sweater vest.
grab my backpack.....its in the fridge
There's nothing like vomiting in the restroom at work to remind you that you're not in college anymore.
At least you have booty calls.
True. I just waste them though. I feel like I need to be told "there are people in this world who would give anything for just one and you have two." You know in that same tone your parents told you about the starving people in china
Dude cabbage spilt on the floor, and now danielles rolling it. Happy st party's day.
Bro... You handed me an ice cube from your drink and said "tell me if it tastes like pickles".
I just slammed another champagne, swaggered over to her, pointed across the room at the 20 y/o lacrosse player and whispered loudly, "I brought that one for YOU." I'm getting a raise.
And to top it off I think that was the first time in history that anyone has used "oh just taking care of her grandmother and doing porn" in the same sentence.
She said pants are for pussies while spooning peanut butter onto her frosted flakes with a serving spoon. She's not even high yet.
Hahahaha. He sent me a dick snap in the lululemon stockroom. What is life. If this works out, this could benefit everyone....
After the "sex" was over I dressed as quickly as possible. And then he came over to me stark naked and embraced me. For over a minute. And all I could think was please get your penis off my dress.
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