she says her boyfriend and her dignity are both out of town tonight
I mean she's dancing like an epileptic patato and i'd like to slap her
You know its been a rough night when you wake up and the first thing you remember is your mom going skinny dipping.
Call me at 7:30 and make sure I'm not asleep in this booth at Waffle House.
So there is a guy driving a robot around the college of engineering selling energy drinks
Well, I didn't bring a notebook or any paper to class. Should I take notes on the sugar packet, lace thong, or condom wrapper that instead are in my school bag?
This bitch flirting at the bar needs to close her legs and open up a book. I can literally feel my IQ dropping every time she bends down to show her tits.
Jealous?
Very.
You came home with a traffic cone and said, "this is my birthday condom."
What would you say is a healthy ratio of sex vs. being called a fucking asshole in a relationship?
I haven't been that free with the boobs since I was 19. I'm putting them away for a while.
If you insist
The one guy literally flopped my boob out. Yes I insist.
All I remember is sitting on your kitchen floor and playing with a banana like it was a viking ship.
In all fairness that 65 year old man looked 23 in club lighting so you can fuck right off
I have to go buy generic plan b after work. I don't even leave for the new semester for another 11 days. I think I just leveled up in sluttiness
Smoking weed with a blind guy, don't worry he's chill.
Well now you know... If you can get over the awkward... The dick is 10 min away.
Randomize
