Call me when you're up
Great dream, you were in it
What did I say to him last night?
Something along the lines of "your not here, I'm going to fuck sam. call me later babe, this won't take long, love you"
all in all not a bad night
worst hand job ever. my dick is about as raw as that sushi your mom wanted me to try.
Still drunk and leading the team through the 9am sales meeting. I'm pretty sure this is why there aren't more 26year-olds in management.
and he says: but we did find out that your ovaries have never released eggs. first thing out of my mouth: so i didnt really need to take the morning after pill so many times in college?
not the response he usually gets im sure.
I wish I has some fucking Fairy God Parents, I want a kit kat so bad.
Going abroad, it was like my vagina was in a candy store... a sweet sweet british candy store
He tried to cuddle with me after we hooked up and i just looked at him and said why are you still here?
Babe.. You are farting in your sleep and it literally smells like something crawled up your asshole and died.. I'm gagging and I feel like I'm eating your fart right now. I want to tape your ass cheeks shut and plug up that canon you call your ass. All I hear is snores and farts.. You are lucky I love you
Did I tell you I bit someone's arm for you last night
How many band members does it take to become The Band Slut? I think I might be dangerously close
Anyways, he came over at 3:30 am and ate me out while I ate pizza on the counter
I told her my hands felt like they touched the sun, never been that stoned before
I think the only option is to smoke so much weed I just pass out for 3 days.
Have you ever woken up and said a thank you prayer to the beer gods for allowing you to wake up in the morning and still have the ability to walk and talk? Because we should.
Randomize