now i know why i became what i already was.
im starting to measure my showers by the number of beers i drink while im in there.
Leave Me Alone
At least least me cry on your voice mail
im at a loss of words.... a stripper is dancing to a Justin Bieber song.
Relationships are fuckin' work. And you can't just up and leave with no questions when you really just need to get home because you're about to shit your pants.
You're so wise.
i wish i could tell my students that all of their lessons plans were brought to them by captain morgan and diet coke. it's like seasame street, only for high schoolers being taught by a student teacher.
So what your saying is I can use her desperation to my advantage. Fuck, this must be how pretty girls feel.
He dislocated his shoulder trying to finger me last night if that tells you anything
I swear every time I see him he's either dancing or trying to touch people
I just forgot I was standing up.
we panicked because we couldn't find you anywhere, but then we found you tripping in the bathtub with Marie's cat. there was no water. you thought there was water, though.
...its technically supposed to be for the bridal shower but I think I can find an ensemble that says "im hopped up on x. Stick your tongue down my throat." As well as " im supporting your marriage to my brother"
I may or may not have spent student loan money on a vibrator, that falls under living expenses right?
The gate guard just said to me, "I almost didn't recognize you in uniform. Welcome back." I think I need to lay off the booze.
In order to get rid of my bladder infections I must give up caffeine, nicotine and tight pants. It's like my pussy is an angry dictator or something
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