i may or may not have been spotted by tourists while getting head in the vicinity of the jefferson memorial
youve choked your chicken with your arm asleep and acted like it was some1 else right?
I want you to know that wearing office supplies as jewelry results in waking up with the wrong roommate. Also, strip clubs and vodka don't mix.
The last shot i remember taking was toasted to "love, sex, and magic". Needless to say I was 0 for 3 on that toast for the night.
I drank mimosas and played bocce ball in the middle of finals week...now i know how Comm majors feel all the time.
Dude. He drives a mini. Therefore he's a virgin
I just got my inseam measured in raffle tickets by a drag queen. Being fondled for charity is awesome.
I'm going to a foam party and gonna grind someones dick off hayy
I could probably do something when Im able to get enough strength to think about thinking about to stand.
Your first mistake was not throwing your beer at the RA and running
I had 17 beers 2 days ago. I'm not dad material yet
Lock the bathroom door next time you are going to masterbate with the shower head, okay?
I was just power-washing my vagina.
Thanks for launching me off you reverse cowgirl. I think I chipped a tooth.
The thing about pooping in the woods during hunting season is you never know if someone's watching you.
I told her I wanted to go swimming and she responded with jello shots, taking off her clothes, and jumping into the pool...I think I'm in love
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