So how was last night?
Let's just say I danced with the devil
Huh?
I'm going to Hell for sure
No I'm not okay I had a crush on the singer of Tokio Hotel for four months and now you tell me he's a dude?
Elton John & Lady Gaga just did a duet on the Grammies. How appropriate. He likes cock & she happens to have one.
she gave him a mild concussion from throwing him against the wall in an attempt to dance with him. gotta love monday nights at the sandbar.
I woke up at 5 this morning face down on my bed with gummy bears stuffed in my leggings. Yeah.
I feel like I should put "don't judge me" in the special instructions for the pizza guy.
my dad just walked in on my jacking off and all he had to say was "I thought you were bigger than that".... thanks dad.
No you can't have a vodka redbull. The pilgrims didn't have vodka redbull.
I just asked the bartender if I could get insurance on my drink in case I spilled it.
If anyone could figure out how to pee on someone's soul, it would be you.
You always know what to say to make me feel better.
His dick is as big as my 7" heels... Awkwardness is forgotten.
I arrived home at 7am wearing nothing but my underwear and a fedora. I ate half a dozen deviled eggs. Put Katy Perry on repeat. And cried myself to sleep. We cannot go out on Thursday anymore
You're about wine.
Yes, I'm like 90% wine at the moment
Your drunk naked friend is roaming the living room. Started roaming my room. Please come retrieve him
You are a genius and a whore.
Randomize