So, I woke up to an empty bottle of scotch and a dead car. The last thing I remember are the strippers being mad at me. Awesome night.
Feels good to be wearing underwear again though...
My professor just used "labia" and "numchucks" in the same sentence. I am dying.
Just saw a commercial bout this girl that lost 54 lbs on a taco bell diet. so thats my excuse.
I vomitted in the hotel where they film gossip girl last night. Everywhere.
Im going to buy a thermometer. If its above 104 im going to the hospital if its under 104 im going to the bar
Just did a line with lance bass. Only in NY
NEVER LET ME DO THIS AGAIN I FEEL LIKE I'M GONNA SHIT MYSELF TO DEATH ARGHHHHHGHHG IS THIS WHAT DYSENTERY FEELS LIKE
He said I showed up in just my underwear and a bunch of towels I stole from the party I was at.
I'm drunk at 3:28
I'm jealous as shit at 3:34
My bathroom smells like artichokes and absinthe. I am naming a perfume after you and using the money to buy new towels.
I'm pretty sure male strippers are the last things I need in my life right now.
I opened the door and his girlfriend was standing there; we made silent, prolonged eye contact as I quietly put on my panties and left.
I just choked eating whip cream from the can, and peed a little because I was coughing so hard. How am I still single.
I broke another vibrator the other day. Abstinence is not for me.
My professor just said irregardless, get me out of here
I guess he's ir-illiterate
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