It all came flooding back to me: there was a woman with one hand
The only reason I kept his number in my phone for so long is so that hed pay for my abortion.
Her dress is practically falling off. It must know I'm here.
Right now, my father is sitting on the couch, totally smashed, crying, eating pringles, and watching the credits of Transformers 2. Love him.
if you're passed out when i get there i get to wear your banana costume and do awful things to you
Last night the nurse at the ER told me that she wished all her drunk patients were like me. Then she commented on my socks...
Well he told me I'd never be a wizard, and so I responded with you'll never have a big penis. After that we both just sat there and cried.
It was just a reflex. BOOM I kicked her in the face
Even when you're down just know that I will always be the one to pour alcohol into your asshole when you're on probation
I just traded ecstasy for trapeze lessons...you in?
"DO YOU LIKE FLYING KITES" WORKED AS A PICKUP LINE. SUCK IT.
Do they mail horrible human being awards or do I have to pick it up or what's the protocol on that shit
I just want to eat chicken fingers and drink beer and smoke in bed with my laptop so I can watch Netflix
So your not doing THAT great with the break up then...
The worst part is there are all kinds of happy creatures out here like fucking snow white and i'm sitting in semi-dead grass, hungover with a burnt butt
I love you so much and not just because your dick is perfect
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