dude, my face is all kinds of fucked up right now. and don't even start with i told you so...
is there anything more depressing than unpacking condoms from your suitcase that you thought you were going to use on vacation?
How am I suppose to look him in the face when I know a commercial lasts longer than he does?
It's gotten to the point where even copying off yahoo answers is still way too much work.
He kept telling me how extraordinarily clean my ears were.
Do you remember calling me and dedicating a shot to me?
I will not fuck this loser. I will not fuck this loser. I will not fuck this loser.
Tim john just told us the story about him losing his virginity at 14 during church on the emergency exit staircase. This is day drinking?
Update. He just picked me up and tried to demonstrate
See, thats where im at with my life, welcome to the slut yaht we will be cruising comfortably all summer at an extremely drunken relaxing pace S.S. Slut Bucket
I had to put a towel over my laptop because the little power light was too bright. New hangover low.
I think I need a restraining order. I had 15 "selfies" of him on my camera roll......my phone has a lock code on it.
It probably would have happened but I just can't picture myself losing my virginity while laying on top of his Quiksilver duvet set.
I ordered more beers for everyone but had to finish them all. I promptly went outside and projectile vomited in the street. Three times.
Are we gonna talk about that cunnilingus snap
Nothing says happy Monday quite like coffee and oral sex.
Randomize
