yo - did your mom get a boob job (I think she did)
whats a more ladylike way to say "fuck me on your lunch break"?
This guy behind me is answering all of her questions. I may give him a lapdance to take my next test for me
I'm gonna have sex with a woman...help
She asked if my windows were tinted enough for road head.
either she was really happy we won flip cup, or she was too drunk to notice her boyfriend behind her.
PS- I just stirred my mimosa with a slice of bacon
I just want to jump into a ballpool of dicks now.
Is it appropriate to put "Mommy and Daddys shitfaced-ness that led to Aubrey" on a birth announcement?
Well you two just had a kid in the middle of college, I dont think anyone will notice.
Thanks bro
tried to chug a glass full of ice cubes. went better then expected.
Oh. My. God. You texted my mom "IM BACK BITCHES!"
the shoes thing blows my mind idk how the fuck i did that and im also missing 4 of my birth control pills like did i drunkenly decide to overload my body with estrogen
I've talked to too many cops in one week and I haven't even committed any crimes. I hate the suburbs
What??! Dude I'm not having you barging in at like 2 am smelling of cigarettes and disappointment to sleep on my couch and then have an awkward morning with my wife while I'm at work.
Touché sir
His name isnt in my phone as “Satan’s spawn” for no reason. #devildick
Randomize
