Dude, she's just using you for your money, and Cavs tickets.
Honestly, what else do I have going for me?
You make a valid point.
I hope no one judges me for becoming a facebook fan of "Adderall" at 5:49 AM...
I should have some sort of frequent buyer card or something. I just bought my third bottle of Captain this week. It's Wednesday.
You spent most of the night crying and throwing leftover meatballs at the neighbors dogs
I just took my birth control on the way to class with a 1/2 melted jello shot I happened to find in my purse from Friday night. I told you I was going hard this year.
You don't want any of I have. Seriously. Its 80 proof rum that was 8 bucks for a liter. I'm afraid
I'm sure your liver is writing out a will as we speak
I wish I could be at this cabin banging all these old dads
Pretty sure i brought my phone charger to a booty call
My gynecologist just said "don't worry, this won't be as hard as…well…" A FUCKING SEX JOKE NO
holy fucking shit get me out of here. even the babies are wearing beanies
I only drink at bars with bathrooms big enough to have sex in.
I need to just embrace dildos and cats and call it a life.
Ugh, once again I had to block the view of him peeing off the hotel bar balcony, I earned those free drinks!
after we got done having sex, you rolled over and ask what your yelp review was. So yea I'm kinda mad.
we're tipping the strippers with chocolate coins.
Randomize
