Lesson learned: don't hide your vodka in your little brothers toy box.
I woke up face down on my laptop with three windows open: itunes, chat roulette and redtube
my mom noticed the "toothpaste" stain on my tshirt...she repeatedly attempted to get it off by licking her thumb and rubbing it. See Jenn it obviously doesnt taste that bad...
We are so drunk I just let him piss between my legs on the toilet. That's love.
yep. it's official. for $40 they will let you lick the stripper pole.
As I climbed in the bathroom window from the room I noticed both him rommates staring and talking about me in the hall...
That's okay, during storytime I would have to sit on my hands so I wouldn't touch everyone. Explains a lot...
When i say that im working late and also have a paper to write before 9am tomorrow all i want u to respond is saying that ur gunna come over and sexually distract me from my responsibilities. Not a fucking frowny face.
Sorry. Im on my way.
Apparently, "please don't I have to be in court tomorrow" is not a valid excuse for a girl to abstain from giving a massive hickey.
How'd the date with the redheaded dentist go?
She didn't like my gingervitis joke
Last night someone asked you what your favorite color was and you said "bagel."
I told him I had an IUD and he asked me how was a bomb a form of birth control..
its the pipe that keeps on giving. Just when I think it's done, I scrape just enough. It's a st. Patrick's day miracle!
Left Las Vegas at 2:30 am, woke up at 11 AM at a Barstow gas station with the Valet from Ceaser' palace snoring in the backseat and no memory of how we got there. I felt like Raoul Fucjing Duke right then and there.
Ok so I need a recap of last night...
YOU SPENT SIX DOLLARS AT NICKEL BEER NIGHT!!! How's that
Randomize
