Why. Ill be the rabbit if ull be the carrot.
When you told me you were coming to my show, I didn't know you were bringing Satan and Brokeback Mountain with you.
Whyyyyy do my fingers smell like Chinese food.
Literally passed out while tubing... Boating while hammered is a blast but thank God for life jackets
My warmest regards to the fish in that koi pond I puked in.
I pretty much just threw a bunch of clothes and my vodka in a bag..idk where I'm gonna end up tonight but I'm prepared.
I just took a shit with a lightsaber in my hand. Dreams fulfilled.
We blazed in her bathtub. All 5 of us. Not easy bro
You got kicked out after 30 minutes, 3 beers and 2 shots. Group record. Also you kept rubbing his belly and calling him buddha.
He smacked my ass so hard my ass cheek looks like Wilson from Cast Away
It's official cum is not a great leave in conditioner
Welcome to your 30’s, where every one night stand is most likely with someone’s father
went to class still drunk this morning and my professor made the class give me a round of applause and said, "see people, THIS is inspirational... if she can make it to class in this condition there is no excuse not to show up!"
Me and dad were just reflecting on that time he found a gas mask bong in the backyard.
just woke up to an abnormally swollen ankle (broken, perhaps?) and a shirtless man with the most beautiful abs I've ever seen sleeping on my floor.
is your ankle ok??
WHY IS HE ON THE FLOOR. SINCE WHEN DOES BLACKOUT ME ALSO COCKBLOCK ME
Randomize