ok watching intervention on tv. when i hit rock bottom - i wanna be THIS chick.
yes, we have a friends with benefits thing. i found out he had never 69'd, done anal or had a threesome. i told him i was going to rock his world.
and what did he say?
there were no words. he looked like a kid on christmas morning.
He was waring a speedo fashioned out of american flag bandanas and when he got hard he said "you're such a patriot...raising the american flag like that"
I've taken to hiding pictures of us around his room so that he'll forever feel guilty for dumping me on Valentine's Day... And to potentially cock block any hook ups.
i sat alone in my bed and ate pizza and garlic fingers. The icing on the cake was hearing your moans from down the hall.
Dude i don't know we had to beg the bouncer to let us in because you were bleeding everywhere and he saw you run into a dumpster
I wish the sun would stop judging me for being drunk while it's still shining.
So how was your new years? Did u ride a horse at 3am in zero degree weather? Because I sure did
There is a chick at the bar in a bumble bee onesie, complete with wings. Yeah, I must be back in Seattle.
He sent me nudes and I told him he reminded me of Buffalo Bill.
I swear to God if you fuck my cousin I will fuck your dad.
learned the hard way that breakfast jack daniels is a lot stronger than lunch or dinner jack daniels.
Its really awkward pooping while on videochat. Even if you turn the video off.
The bouncers found you passed out on the toilet. They tried to move you but you refused and repeatedly shouted that you wanted to go out like Elvis.
Truth. Though I have held steadfast to the notion while the rest of you wavered. I had faith in his homosexuality.
Randomize
