u know ur drinking tonight lol i dont know why you try to deny it
but i dont wanna get emotional and drunk text
then give me ur phone
NEVER!!
it was great that she threw up because that made me the only one trying to hook up with her
Just got roadhead while going 95. I came for a mile and a half.
I haven't been "cry when you eat ben and jerrys" high in a while.
My mom just told me to make sure my face isn't on the front cover of the newspaper on 4/21. Challenge accepted
I vagually remember taking your birthcontrol and washing it down with ash water
I need to stop drinking and eating and start working out. I look like the lovechild of John Goodman and Jabba the Hutt.
Did he seem like the type of guy that would maybe take weed as payment?
I'm about to fuck a girl in an old school Tony Kukoc Bulls jersey. About to earn my third championship ring in sex
Is it possible to break your brain with drugs?
Speaking of church, everyone showed up to lunch in the dining hall in their Sunday best and I walk in looking homeless bc I just got out of bed. I hate this school.
I don't know about this Sanders guy after all. I'm voting for MYSTERY BABYLON, WHORE OF ALL THE EARTH
Hillary?
Are those your contacts stuck to the mirror?!
Yeah. Drunk me tried to put my contacts on the mirror where my eyes were.
No clue what you did last night, sorry. You did hand me a pizza and a mason jar with $1200 in small bills in it when I let you in though.
Do you remember standing up at 3 in the morning and asking me if I was counting to six?
Randomize
