some girl in front of me in class just googled "hungover+throwing up blood"
How creepy of a mustache can you grow by wednesday night?
Want to get together for a boner voyage before you leave?
I just horrified a large group of people. Congrats on dating me.
Sorry I forced you to take an adderall at 1am and then proceeded to dance to Lose Yourself outside of Qdoba.
No really tho I'm wearing a chucky cheese shirt and yoga pants. If that doesn't scream no sex idk what does
What's the procedure for answering a booty call from someone under house arrest?
The guys are trying to figure out my orientation....think theyve settled on "drunksexual"
call me with an emergency in 5 min. This chick has a strap on hangin behind the bathroom door.
Why did I wake up in bed with the ironing board and a Mariah Carey mask? Vodka hates me
He started talking about getting a puppy together. So of course I went down on him later
some kid just came up 2 me bleeding yelling "thats how u riot"
My ex is stopping by while he’s working tonight after delivering a pizza to fuck me, then going back to work at Pizza Hut. This is what my life has become.
All three of the bartenders here have screwed my boss, so he's definitely gay. Unfortunately for you he seems to have a type and you're not it.
It's like his penis moved in and did some interior decorating without telling me first...
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