We should go out drinking together soon
I'm still not going to have sex with you
If a fat man falls in the shower and nobody is in the apartment, does his pride still hurt? Answer: yes
if creeping was an olympic sport, i would be a lock for the gold right now.
That girl would be way hotter if she changed her face.
There was a staple in my grits at waffle house last night. My knees are bruised as hell. And I puked pink all over my bathroom. Gooood night.
He just kept repeating "not with an octopus" over and over for hours. Soooooo Porn Dare was a succes.
It's not ok to announce to a group of people playing beer pong that a girl put her finger in your butt last night. I now know this
I'm making a quesadilla and including it in the picture because that's the only way I think I can send her dick pics.
Best line overheard at the bar: "This is the last time I'm shaving my ass for him...I mean we just broke up".
I woke up with my face covered in mustard. Your mom said I ate hotdogs like a pornstar
My dick has been in way too much crazy the past 2+weeks, but hey it feels good to fuck consistently again
She passed out in my baby sister's room so we put her in one of my grandma's diapers, put a pacifier in her mouth, put her in my sister's crib and took pictures.
dude, i told you to rally, so you sprinted upstairs, knocked some girl down, and without missing a beat said, "not now bitch, im in the fucking zone" and took off
Chaz got drunk and passed out so we superglued a kazoo to his mouth. Listening to him Panic when he woke up was fucking hilarious.
I tried saying sorry but instead I puked down her shirt and tried to clean it up... Now I have a bruise on my forehead. good news, before she left she wrote her number on my stomach with sharpie
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