the best part about tonight...knowing when i wake up in the morning his car will still be full of packing peanuts..and mine wont
fuck dude i blacked out on a tuesday. what am i doing with my life?
Winning.
just got a rotting pancake and bacon in the mail from your address....
Walk of shame... his parents made me go to church with them first. in my club top sweat pants and slippers. i just slapped god in the face
you kept saying 'can i put my penis on the grill?' and it was all i could do to stop you. you're welcome, though
Dude turns out her best friend is lesbian...there is no wingman for this situation
He played a tape of his mad rapping skills after the final...his rapper name was Mad Stylz and he rapped about all the pussy he got in the 90's. I love Sociology.
3 girls crying in the bathroom at the bar. Its like a Christmas song
Did you ever get our sex tape out of the rental car before you returned it?
Don't bang him. The amount of Jack Johnson he listens to is embarrassing for even a white person.
I'm working on finding a bottomless situation. Both pants and mimosas.
I responded with "neat-o burrito" to his SEXT...he tried so hard and I just panicked.
I wonder if go pro can customize a cock ring so I don't have to hold the camera anymore
In other news, I just sneezed and almost shit myself. What is happening to my life??
Would it be weird if i sent him a "happy fuckiversary" text?
Randomize
