I'm at a bar that has girls so awful looking even you would not have sex with them.
Well... I doubt that.
Watching NYC prep. Doing a shot everytime one of these d-bags flips his hair. I give it 10 minutes before alcohol poisoning set in.
he saw my emergency pass-out-in-the-bathroom-after-drunken-puking cot in the bathroom.
I just got kidnapped by the rugby team for a scavenger hunt. I'm "the girl you had sex with last night"
My math professor just asked us to draw the graph of the derivative of our drunkenness from friday to sunday. Dear Jesus this looks bad.
Couldn't find any balloons, so we're doing whippets out of condoms. Being a ho has its benefits.
You said you'd make me a thank you card for taking care of your drunk ass. I'll be expecting that monday.
Your vagina doesn't want to be violated with garnishes. I get it.
my paper on vitamins just turned into a 2 hour tangent google search on what i should buy to best cure a hangover. I need to stop getting high before homework
There's an owl outside. I feel like he's hooing directly at me.
I'm pretty sure "good advice you would give to a freshman for achieving success" isn't constituted by introducing them to your addy dealer...
it is my civic duty to ensure the success of our youth.
I'm really just disappointed in myself for having sex with a musical theater major
im in DESPERATE NEED OF A COMPANION RIGHT NOW I’M MOTHER FUCKING TRIPPING SOLID GOLD BALLS
I asked you why you bought a sword and you then replied with the greek alphabet and then tried to assure me that samurais are apart of greek life.
My husband is waiting until son is napping and air humps as a seduction tactic. Pray for me.
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