been sitting in chapter for 25 minutes. drinking last night's franzia out of a XXX vitamin water 10 bottle. recruitment chair has no idea. life is good.
I guess we had a small kitchen fire somehow when we decided to bake fruitroll ups and croutons...
everyone thought he was too sick to make it, but he showed up. Ten minutes in and he's doing vodka shots with nyquil chasers
trading diseases for a hangover? that's either a really good decision or a really, really bad one. we'll find out if he wakes up tomorrow
Normally I would go for him, but there's just way too much vodka under the bridge for that
In his defense he just bought a bong like a week ago so he's still in that honeymoon phase.
I need to ask my mom where the drain cleaner is, but I'm afraid she'll ask why and the answer to that will just be "cum."
most desperate stoner moment might have been when we filled the bong up with pond water
desperate times, desperate measures
I feel so much better about my break up knowing that he's having his 26th birthday at Rollar kingdom\n
Just fucked up my mustache shaving, gonna have to take it off because now it makes me look like a pedophile
FYI your old mustache made you look like a pedophile
I think I have to break up with him. I just cried, not moaned, screamed, etc, cried, with tears of sadness and disappointment when I came.
He managed to find a wheel chair and a super mario hat, now hes rolling around screaming "real life mario kart!"
My new boobs got me 12 drinks at the concert. Whose the real winner here?
Sincerely. Thanks. You could have thought of anyone sitting on your face but you chose me. :)
WHAT IS MY LIFE THAT THE ONLY PERSON INTERESTED IN FUCKING ME IS MY 6TH GRADE MATH TEACHER
Officially locked in my status as an indifferent millennial by downloading Tinder.
Randomize
