u on campus? she just peed the bed i need to go
Remind them to make the "above the influence" commercial about us fallin off a ferris wheel
when she said she's going upstairs to put her "play clothes" on, I knew either she was a pervert or a kindergarten teacher. Either way, I wasn't going to leave. She's a pervert by the way.
I cannot believe how calm you were last night about telling Katie she was on fire.
The EMTs said they would give me as many blankets as I wanted if I didn't pee in the ambulance. They even turned on the sirens.
Apparently he's taking the slut he cheated on me with on a cruise for her birthday. THAT COULD HAVE BEEN ME. TITANTIC STYLE.
I'm gonna go drown myself in the shower. Make sure to cover me up before the paramedics arrive. I'm too fat to be seen naked right now.
She kept pulling joints out of her bra and asking strangers for birthday hugs.
I think the old lady next to me at the bar just saw your pussy
Just to be a PITA after I die, my will leaves 1 cent to each of my FB friends. I hate my lawyer.
And then I discovered that while drunk last night I called the NAACP and left an angry voicemail demanding they fix the racism at my school
I met her parents last night. Her dad smelled like weed and kept yelling "I HAVE ALLERGIES AHHH MY EYES ARE BURNING!" During dinner It had to be good weed he didn't even know he was yelling.
Sorry I've been a slutty nightmare this week
I'm still not sure how to feel about the fact that we had a threesome with a guy the same age as my dad
I like that they’re all named Christopher or Chris. No need to worry about moaning during!
Randomize
