shes hot in the i'd deny it if anyone asked kinda way
I just saw Sharon Stone's cootch in high def. I think I'll stay gay.
So I decided to start saving money for my abortion in a tomato sauce jar because it says ‘Prego.’ I know I thought it was fucking genius!
In less than 3 minutes we had 3 security guards running after us
He met a random girl on the bus home and decided to go to Spain with her. The blackout decisions are becoming internationally epic. He has work in the morning.
I needed to do something spontaneous, and since no one had coke this was the next best thing.
He taped a champagne bottle to both his hands and called himself edward champagne hands. At one point he poured some on his lap and said " Just needed to make sure my dick got some too"
A man in a black on black escalade pulled up next to me, and told me he was sent to pick me up by you.
His name is Tyreece. He will take you to the weed emporium, population me.
Drunk wound on my leg hast healed and neither has my dignity
All I can think about are the cheese it's on my desk at work this morning. Like are those apologetic cheese it's or does he seriously think he still has a shot..
Instead of asking him how many women he's slept with I just got straight to the point and asked how many Plan B pills he's purchased
I had a sex dream about Fox Mulder, and the Royals just won the World Series. My life is complete.
I'm SO high. And there is so much pudding in this car
As soon as he called me 'darling' in that Scottish accent... my pants just dropped.
I fell into a police barricade, a cop helped me up and asked if I've been drinking. I just looked at him and said "dude.." He proceeded to take out his handcuffs
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