There is a stranger person in my roommates bed...
Warning: at some point today you will probably see several pics of me 69-ing a blow up turtle show up on facebook. Just disregard them.
We tried. It's impossible to cum while bouncing on a trampoline. It's like trying to sneeze while keeping your eyes open.
Just used my boobs as a ramp to guide ramen into my mouth.
It was about the point the universe collapsed in on itself and I was a singularity of insanity that I realized I was tripping balls.
Oh god. I finally realized why the coked out Stevie wonder was explaining the concept of movember to the McDonalds clerk. Drunk me didn't process that another month comes after Halloween... It's apparently November.
Lusting after Beyonce when you're a lesbian is like having a crush on Jesus. You just don't do it.
Dude... I had a dream that I was getting high for the first time. I got to experience my weedginity again. It was glorious.
I miss the days where our biggest worries were who was gonna win battle shits.
We can't go out this weekend. My uterus is so desperate it's given me permanent beer goggles
It's a beautiful day to be high as fuck
My boss spotted an injured PIGEON outside the front door this morning (at 3:30am) and requested that I catch it and take it to the vet. Catch it with what! Take it where!These requests have gone too far...
My brain is a dvd screensaver and I'm allowed to have a good thought when it hits the corner
was having sex but got distracted... he instragramed a pic of his crotch
I just don't understand what you plan on accomplishing there except for losing all vestiges of post-freshman year dignity
Randomize
