I didn't join FB to see my only child straddle that boy in all her pictures.
I was in the bathroom throwing up...when I walked out he was sitting there watching porn and jacking off. He said, "Sounded like you were gonna be in there for a while."
yeah he couldn't walk in a straight line and started throwing up and told the cop he just has an astigmatism
I ran a string through all of my old vicodin bottles and strung them on the tree. Tis the season.
I've never seen a homeless man jog to get off the bus and then run to his panhandling spot because he's "late for work," but you see something new every day.
I swear to god if he wasnt on the fourth floor balcony and I wasn't to drunk to climb I would kill him
she said she walked into the kitchen and i was sitting ass naked on the floor chugging her parents vodka.
Well be careful man. Be careful. Wear shoes in the house. Safety. Safety first, then teamwork.
too late I already started a fight with someone named luscious
Drunk dialed the ex last nigh; turns out I miss dialed. The stranger who answered played along and apologized for sleeping with my cousin. She sent me a txt this morning to let me know.
Kindest stranger ever. Marry that girl.
Fucking that physical therapist guy was the best decision I ever made.
I don't want sex or anything I just really need someone to appreciate how shiny my hair is
You guys I wore sweatpants to work today because I simply forgot to put on real pants and I had a weed brownie and a juice box for breakfast. I am not ready for parenting.
I mean. I'm excited for the Seahawks too. I just love nachos.
We talked about breaking up, had sex, and in the middle of said sex, talked more about breaking up- best sad day ever
Randomize