And now we're talking about squeezing babies out of vaginas...
I woke up face down on my laptop with three windows open: itunes, chat roulette and redtube
You made a "martini" bagel. Took a bagel dunked it in vodka and put olives in it
apologized to him about 10 times for being drunk. told him about 15 times that he was "really pretty"
He's reached the drunk point where he's trying to convince the family to buy falcons as pets. Can't wait to see how my steak turns out
i was like his sober eyes girls would come up to us, show us theirs and if approved by me blew him, if rejected they went to my truck with a bottle of patron
Her Grandmother felt me up AND paid for dinner. If she doesn't get her shit together I'm gonna be her Step Grandfather.
Denis dont give a fuck, Denis drinks out of straws. Denis disregards the fire station & bought 18 fire hoses so he can fight it himself if the farmhouse is on fire.
Are you wearing clothes?
Fuck no, who do you think I am
That was the night you tried to convince me you threw up your sould because your throwup was black
One. But meh. I upped my age limit to like 29 hoping I'll match with this one fedex guy that delivers packages to my work
I'm eating shredded cheese and chugging coke, until I can function again. I'm tingling everywhere
the hot lifeguard just pulled a McDonald's cheeseburger out of her fanny pack.
We just finished having sex and as soon as we get out of bed he yells "trust fall" and runs me over
I fished a Couples Masturbation DVD out of somebody’s trash and kept it. That’s how desperate I am.
Randomize
