I masturbated on the webcams with my bf yesterday then typed without washing my hands first... then my roommate used my laptop it was pretty priceless
Ryan Ross and Jon Walker left panic at the disco today.
I predict a mass suicide of the 14 year old girl population...
Can you really blame Steve Phillips? He went to Michigan. Plowing fat girls is a 100-level course there.
I just got hit by a car. I'm fine; I'll be to the bars in about 15
I drove you home. there is no excuse for wrecking your car 3 hours later.
why is my forehead so bruised?
i found you outside knocking on the door with your head because you couldn't lift your arms.
got fuckng wasted at spring training, got a lap dance at le girls, got a burrito at filibertos, and still made it to my 5 o'clock eco class wearing a bikini top....I love Arizona State University
I guess I fell on the bar and kept trying to get back in telling the bouncer that I left my teeth at the bar. Woke up this morning with chipped tooth
you said you didn't want to carry the pizza box so just folded up the pizza and put it in your pocket
The plane down was full of newly weds and I counted 5 pairs of mile high club members. Actually, one might have been a group membership discount.
I got to her place and she was petting her cat and pounding vodka out of the bottle. She looked like Dr evil in yoga pants. She's nuttier than squirrell shit.
I miss the days where our biggest worries were who was gonna win battle shits.
There's some random guy here dryhumping my kitchen door. If he is a friend of yours, please come and retrieve him.
of all the things that should kill me, scurvy wont be one of them
He told me he loved me and I told him I shit myself
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