Woke up with a treasure map of my room stuck with sticky tape to my ceiling. followed it and found $75 with a note saying; "eat this if we're invaded"... I'm never getting stoned again
It was an igloo shaped doghouse, I was obligated to hotbox it
she was laying naked in the stream looking for "ribbays", which is apparently drunk for frogs.
do you realize that she was the awkward lesbian in high school and now bangs more girls than probably both of us combined?!
I don't know what you're talking about. I just drank beer out of my own bellybutton by doing a backbend and letting it run down my body.
I decided tomorrow is going to be great day wether my period likes it or not
it would be so handy to have a fax machine attached to my body
I wish I could understand how you function in society
He pissed on a police station. Then expected to not be arrested. Sounds accurate.
He's the stereotypical redneck. He tried to go kayaking during a storm and almost got into a fight when a park ranger tried to stop him
mom had to come pick me up from the hotel. I crawled to her car. She told me the entire way home if I puked in it I was going to lick it up. Like high school all over again...
He's standing in the corner rubbing his nipples and reflecting on poor life choices
Is it too much to ask for 10 minutes of privacy while I masturbate?
you were peeing in her backyard and some dude came outside and looked at you and was like "thats not a pee spot" and you said "well it is now" then i joined you. Forever poppin squats <3
Found Ryan’s keys in the fridge. On my way back.
Also, tell him he missed Nathan passing out in the dryer.
Dude my roommate just peed out the window
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