hipster in red sally jessy raphael glasses inside. kick her.
So bad night, ended up beating off to porn and eating Keebler elf cookies.... at the same time :-(
Your friends ate a hole through an entire loaf of bread
And why did 3 people fail to stop me from literally getting a piggy back ride from the bar to his apartment?!
Just do let me go home with anyone especially I a guy with a hair sweater
Favorite thing said to me in 2012: It's like you have two tongues!
Were you keeping a list?
I got an assistant at work. First task was picking me up at a strip club. I was drunk and trying explain how it was work related
I would rather you cheat on me then you watch this season of Breaking Bad without me.
So his 25th anniversary post of love to his wife was almost verbatim what he said to me last week. Does that mean I win or lose?
I seriously doubt I'm gonna be able to properly put your dick in my mouth whilst upside down, but I'm willing to give it my best shot
Just made a diving catch to save a handle of Fireball falling out of the car. ESPN worthy.
Yeah. Still not happy that my prof saw a picture of my vag.
I've been back for one day and I've already given two bjs. Improvement from last year.
I mean seriously...It's like the universe is saying "your vagina is closed, move along"
Acid king. Jackson puked a lot. Promoter booth. Angry security. No acid. Probably a good thing.
Randomize
