Tell her she's as useless as a condom.
this guy jus got head in a gas station bathroom from this fat chick with one leg
gross dude. was the guy blacked out drunk or something?
yeah and it only cost me 6 dollars
so I have this game called 14 beers left. and we both have to drink 7 before we leave
The guy I was getting with last night took off his purity ring mid-sex and threw it across the room.
Used my jumper cables as a bottle opener last night. Really pleased with my problem solving skills.
You tried to initiate "Occupy McDonald's" when the cashier didn't give you enough ketchup.
She started howling at the moon. That was pretty much the deal breaker.
Here's a tip. Don't party with someone that needs sexual attention. Drinking and sexual attention don't mesh well in the morning. Especially over a bowl of Cheerios.
Cops are just so fun an beautifuk
I ended up at home with a random bird sculpture and flowers
Sheila knows I only go down on her on Bastille Day. Valentine's Day we get high and watch The Neverending Story. THE SYSTEM WORKS.
Have 7 min to kill while I wait for liquor store to open. Feels really awkward.
She didn't complain to the library attendant about us being too loud. She complained after you grabbed her highlighter off the table to stir vodka into your tumbler with.
The only good thing about the sex was that he finally cracked the spot on my back that's been hurting.
You've hit rock bottom, swam around the ocean floor, and brought back silverware from the titanic.
Randomize
